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Top 42(0) Weed Jokes Of All Time: One-Liners For Stoners

Top 42(0) Weed Jokes Of All Time: One-Liners For Stoners

Weed Jokes

Every time I light up a blunt, my brain goes into a fuzzy trip where everything’s funny – I am always on the lookout for the next stressbuster, I suppose! You might say there’s something very cringy about weed jokes, but I say, so what? Sometimes, a little cringe can light up your day spectacularly, especially when you are sitting at your desk slogging right after a wild girls’ night in!

So, stop thinking about the cringe, light that JJ up, and scroll down to check out the funniest weed jokes of all time!

Top 42(0) Weed Jokes Of All Time: One-Liners For Stoners

The internet is home to several strange inhabitants, and stoner jokes are one of those strange inhabitants. Trust me on this one – if you thought people didn’t write jokes about getting stoned, then you have been living on a different planet. So without wasting any more time, let’s dive straight into the world of high thoughts and weed jokes. 

Odd Gen Z Humor:

Odd Gen Z Humor

Gen Z humor is a little odd for me to relate to at times, but funny weed jokes are universal…at least that’s what I would like to believe. So here’s a glimpse of ‘funny’ Gen Z humor in its glory!

  1. Getting high at home is so funny! One moment you are lying down, the next moment, you are washing dishes, and then suddenly, you are in a random corner drifting off into space.
  1. My new year’s resolution every year? Sativa for changing the things I can…Indica for accepting the things I can’t.
  1. I was so high that once I walked into class, sat down, and attempted to put my seat belt on!
  1. Yes, there are plenty of fishes in the sea, but do these fishes smoke bruh? 
  1. I hate it when people say that you don’t need weed to have fun. You don’t need shoes to run, but it f**king helps bitch. Let me rock!
  1. You are in his DMs, I get it. But I’m home smoking some good weed… So I don’t know who we are even talking about. 
  1. You smoke at parties. I get high and fold my laundry. We are not the same. 
  1. Edibles kick in right after they hear you talking crap about them. 
  1. Sure weed is cool but have you ever been in love with someone who loves you back? Yeah, me neither…now pass me the blunt!
  1. Weedman always be like, ‘you all be safe.’ Come on, dude, you gotta be safe. LMAO!
  1. ‘YoU smeLL LIke weeD!’ Okay, back the shit up, you little loser. 

A Millenial’s Take On Getting Stoned:

Girl inhale weed and laugh

What I have realized recently is mostly how you can make jokes about weed only when you are high, I mean legit funny ones. Every time I am smoking in the company, things get so funny – and then there are those days when you can’t stop laughing on your own, thinking about the most bizarre things out there. 

Let’s just check out some of the funniest weed jokes accompanied by millennial humor on the side. 

  1. Am I high af, or does -4° look just like a dude taking a shit? 
  1. Benjamin Franklin…huge stoner! Do you know how stoned you have to be to even think about electricity when there’s no electricity?
  1. I never did give a fu**, but then I smoked a few blunts, and now, I don’t give a flying fu**!
  1. You are the reason why my heart won’t stop beating fast. Just kidding, it’s all the drugs bitch. 
  1. Every time someone tells me ‘you smoke too much’ with those judgy eyes, I tell them, ‘you bitch too much!’
  2. Do you wanna get his attention? Throw his weed in the air like it’s glitter and watch him give you all the attention that you need.
  1. Keep your circle small, and watch the blunt come back to you faster than you ever anticipated. 
  1. “Are you even listening to me?” First of all, I am stoned, and second, I completely forget I had ears. 
  1. Edibles hit so hard that I ended up joining the search party sent out for me!
  1. I can bounce back from almost anything in this world. I just need to smoke a blunt first. 

Big Boomer Energy:

Big Boomer Energy

The best high jokes won’t pop up on your screen if you just type ‘weed jokes quotes’ on Google! Instead, the best weed puns come up in conversation when you are very stoned, and you can’t stop thinking too much. So what about our dear boomers? Let’s find out about them! 

Here come the boomers with their outdated yet classic take on humor – scroll down to find out now!

  1. Have you wondered how a stoner recites Shakespeare? “Doobie or not doobie.”
  1. I just purchased some shoes from my weed dealer. I have no idea what he laced them with, but I have been tripping all day.
  1. Is there any difference between a stoner and a drunk? The drunk will always end up running a stop sign, while the stoner will end up waiting for it to turn green.
  1. Why the hell do supermarkets even drug test all employees? If an employee has to put 300 cans of chili sauce on a shelf, he should at least be vibing.
  1. What do you call a family that grows Marijuana in their backyard? A Joint Family.
  1. How do you know when you have smoked enough pot? When you start looking around for directions on how to use the lighter.
  1. How many Stoners does it take to change a light bulb? But, who cares, man? It’s too bright in here, anyway!
  1. My body is not a temple. It is a 2009 Toyota Corolla that simply smells like a weed!
  1. You smoke weed to look cool, I smoke weed to keep my cool. 
  1. How do you know you are a pothead? You studied five days for a urine test.
  1. Not gonna high…I am lie!

Bonus Section: Christmas Edition

Christmas Edition

You can’t really do stoner quotes or even a weed jokes section without doing a section just dedicated to Christmas. So we decided to ditch the idea of coming up with any stoner meme and instead worked on a section dedicated to Christmas. 

Check out the Christmas section, and don’t forget to light that blunt up while reading the same!

  1. If anyone is Christmas shopping for me, I wear a size 7 grams in weed.
  1. Don’t make me laugh when I am HIGH! I’ll laugh till Christmas comes back around. 
  1. How do you think the reindeer fly so high? Ho ho ho!
  1. What do I want for Christmas? The same thing that I want every day – some weed, please!
  1. Santa on edibles…Eats them cookies and forgets all about the presents. Best Christmas story ever!
  1. This Christmas, let’s ditch the mistletoe, and instead, let’s just get mistlestoned. 
  1. My ideal idea of spending Christmas together is? Let the day be merry, and we can just invite the only bitch I trust…Mary Jane!
  1. When Christmas week begins, it’s no longer time for just Christmas. For stoners, it’s Merry Kushmas. 
  1. Last Christmas, I was high af and decided to look up the best-stoned meme on the internet. So I tried to use the remote of my television as my smartphone.
  1. Every time I am stoned and the holiday season begins, I can’t help saying ‘Happy Holidaze’ instead of a simple ‘happy holidays!’

Weed Pick-Up Lines: Because We Love You A Little More!

While weed jokes are funny, especially when you are stoned, marijuana pick-up lines are even better. You might not always laugh at them, but you can definitely get laid. Here’s a bunch of weed pickup lines to brighten up your day! 


  1. Either I have the munchies, or you’re looking like a whole snack.
  2. Let’s play smoking games! If I win, you take me out. If you win, I take you out. *burger emoji*
  3. Do you believe in love at first puff, or should I pass you the blunt again?
  4. Did you know there’s a date more important than 4/20? Ours.
  5. Are you made of weed? Because you’re getting me high.
  6. You must be a dab because you’re hot, and I want more.
  7. Kiss me if I’m wrong. A flower with 55% THC exists, right?
  8. You’re so cute, I’m totally kushing on you!
  9. Are you an edible? Because I want to take you home and eat you all night long.
  10. Hey, are you indica or sativa? Because I want to get high with you no matter what mood I’m in.
  11. I would kush with you any day of the week!
  12. We can smoke up our minds, make defenses, and protect ourselves from the harsh reality.
  13.  I don’t really smoke pot, but I think weed be cute together.
  14. Hey girl, are you a stoner? cause the weed to be great together.
  15. You must be as dope as weed cause right now, you’re all I need.

And It’s A Wrap: Roll One, Smoke One…

As we mentioned above, finding crazy 420 jokes on the internet is not completely unheard of, but the funniest weed jokes come out when you are chilling with your homies lighting blunt after blunt for fun! Sounds fun, right? But the saddest part is on most days, we tend to forget about all the funny stories the minute things get sober.

So the next time you come up with funny insights, don’t forget to share them with us in the comments below! 

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